The Hoods in the Woods

Travelers are wise to be weary of the woods.
Word is they’re haunted,
Or plagued with hoods.
Stories are told of rainbow haired ghosts,
And red nosed spectres
Drifting from pillar to post.
Paint stained faces:
Unnerve some, terrify most.

With balloon animal familiars,
They take the unaware.
Rubber chicken weapons stun the unprepared.
Victims of the woods
Die with grins,
Yet their eyes tell tales of terrible sin.
Convulsing with laughter
And baffled by tricks,
The baggy clothed fiends will have them transfixed,
Before ushering them swiftly
Toward the river Styx.

Run from the clowns bearing six, six, six.


Daniel Chambers

The Little Boy Adventurer

The little boy adventurer descends into the labyrinth beneath his homestead. His steps are slow, and methodical. His nerves flare, but he ignores them; he cannot afford to be frightened.

Somewhere in that unrelenting darkness hides a monster. This creature is notoriously evil, and infamously grotesque. It is known as the destroyer of laughter, the killer of joy, and the devourer of children. He marches towards the essence of nightmares armed with only his father's flashlight and older brother's BB-gun, yet the adventurer remains undaunted.

“Alright Boogeyman,” he barks, reaching the last step. “Playtime is over.”


Daniel Chambers

The Triumvirate of Cheese

In the Land of Cheese, there are three who stand above all other cheesekind as the sharpest, most pungent, and purest of rennent: Cheddar, Monterey, and Blue, like the sides of a triangle, are a strong union.

The trio overcame the fascist Mozzarella revolt, and filled the hole after the annexation of the neutral Swiss.

They survived the crippling Parm epidemic, and held through the battle of Havarti Hill, staving off the armies of the Marble Empire.

And, it has been said that these three titans will continue to reign through to the end of days, until the Great Whizzening.


Daniel Chambers

The House Blend

Drip, drip, drip goes the coffee. It’s a thick substance, like mud, and it’s just as dark. It’s as black as tar.

It looks revolting, but the smell... The aroma is rich and heavy. It drifts through the air, invading one’s nostrils, pulling them in to have a taste. Oh, the taste: strong, colourful, and intoxicating.

People come from miles around to this coffee shop to try a cup of their famous coffee. And, like any good drug, it brings them back the next day.

If Soylent Green is made from people, I can only imagine what’s in this stuff.


Daniel Chambers

A Thing Called Life

For centuries, aliens have masqueraded as humans: studying our behaviour and determining our place in the universal hierarchy. It was only a matter of time before we tried it out.

My consciousness has been passed around like a party favour. Now, I have too many memories. I've experienced too much, and I can't take it anymore, man. I've spent one year as a glowing pink blob; two as a bird; and for a while, I experienced life as a tree, a freakin tree!

I can't look at the world the same way, because I’ve seen life from too many angles.


Daniel Chambers

The Troll's Bridge

I subscribe to a podcast called, The Drabblecast, which each week they broadcasts a speculative fiction short story. Often at the top of the show they will read a story they call a Drabble, which is a story exactly 100 words in length. I think this is a great writing exercise, so I gave it a try. Here is one of my creations:


The Troll's Bridge
So, you're a colonist heading to the new worlds? Watch out for an expanse of space called the Troll’s Bridge. Big, ugly green aliens lurk out there, preying on passing convoys. They generate magnetic fields that rip our ships from light speed. God only knows how they developed the technology, dumb as they are. Once they attack, it's everyone for themselves.

Me? I've crossed the Bridge many times in the past, so I can guarantee you safe passage. Avoiding capture is easy, if you know how. The trick is to make sure your ship isn't the slowest in the fleet.


Daniel Chambers

Why Can't We Be Friends Pt. 2

Why must this world be consumed with bitterness? Why do some people have to be so unrelenting in their pursuit of unhappiness? I don't have the answers. Maybe it's human nature to spread sour moods through the population. If you look at the great characters of history, many of those who were world leaders were also assholes.

I work in a coffee shop, and today a lady came in asking for her drink to be made with a certain kind of milk. Many of the things in my workplace have an Italian, or French names in place of the western terms. In this instance, the lady asked for her drink to be made with breve, instead of the usual 2% milk. This would usually be a no-brainer, except English is a second language for the girl whom I was working with. Of course, my colleague didn't know what breve meant. Breve isn't a layman’s term, so I wasn't surprised she didn't understand. However, the customer decided this wasn't acceptable, and started complaining. The unruly lady repeated her order several more times until I had to intervene. What bothered me about this encounter was the fact that the lady never explained what breve meant to my ESL colleague. Breve, for those who don't know, means half and Half Cream. Had the lady simply clarified her order, the whole ordeal would have been avoided. Instead, I had to listen to her complain. Why couldn't this lady be reasonable and help my colleague who doesn't have a solid grasp on the language, especially when the problem word wasn't even English?

The point of this story is to express my distaste for rude individuals. Why some people can't seem to grasp that we're all in this together is beyond me. We only have the one life, so why do some people have to take everything so seriously; we should be trying to have as much fun as we can. If I die tomorrow I don’t want to be in a sour mood when it happens. We are all essentially trapped on this planet, and if we can't all get along it's going to be a long ride.